Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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