Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
