Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
