so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
