Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
