ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
