I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
