: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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