Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
