after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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