How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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