By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
