mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
