I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
