did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
