Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
