Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
