I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
