so explain again why im purple
no
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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