I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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