I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
