i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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