I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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