My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
