Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
