i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
