I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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