porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
