small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
