I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
