she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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