I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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