I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
