I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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