just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
