the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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