I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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