Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
