I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
