doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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