Christians are straight up FREAKS
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
