I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
