i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
