drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
