I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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