Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
