i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
