Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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