I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
