yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
as a side note pls kill me
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