hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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