Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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